Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Where I've Been

I've just been in hell, basically. I haven't been writing. Part of it is getting in the practice, making it a habit. Yes. Part of it is the torture of the three-year-old.

I'm hoping it's a phase and not a lifestyle - but the 3-year-old thing is driving me nuts. It involves screaming at the top of his lungs - the high-pitched-red-faced SCREAM. It involves hitting and kicking. And perhaps most infuriating of all is the "yes/no" thing. "I want a drink, I'm thirsty" (in ultimate whine voice). I get him a drink. "NO, I don't want a drink!" I take it away. "I want a drink, I'm thirsty!" and repeat process over and over for an hour. Yes, really, an hour. No, i don't continue to bring him a drink. I cut him off, don't give in - it doesn't do any good.

When he's not a monster, he's lovely. Bright, witty, charming. But it's one or the other - totally Jekyll and Hyde.

It's made me into the mom I don't want to be. I can tolerate it relatively well for a half hour or so. After that I start to crack. I yell. I've spanked. I've given him time-outs. I've distracted him. I've tried everything. Nothing seems to help. At the day's end I just feel like I've been beat up. I blamed it on transitioning from daycare to being home twice a week. I've blamed it on him being tired and/or hungry. I've blamed it on moving into an apartment while we remodel. But, it just is.

Yesterday was the ultimate of evil, I think. We're remodelling the house - flood back in April - so we're staying in a vacation rental duplex in Irvington, just 30 blocks or so away from our house. There's a family living below us - they can hear everything. And the kids are always loud - happy or sad or cranky, they're loud. Quinn wouldn't take a nap, and so I said we couldn't go to ice cream, so he started to throw an utter and complete red-faced-screaming tantrum. That woke up nicely napping Reed, who had woken at 5am and needed sleep. So both were screaming - LOUD. I'm sure the family downstairs are counting the days til we leave.

I drag the kids out to the van, which always seems to quiet them for some reason. We do our errands - costco and safeway. Ah, the life. On the way home, I pick up the dog and I take them all to the park just behind the rental place.

Quinn starts the whining as soon as we get out of the car. "I don't want the park. I don't want to leave." He won't play, just sits and whines. I try to get him moving - he won't. Reed's on the play structure, Otto's roaming around the dog area and Quinn's just moping and whining loudly and ultra-annoyingly. I can't take it. If he's going to whine, we'll leave.

I take Reed off the play structure - he starts screaming, of course. I have him flailing and screaming in my arms, slapping me in the face (yes, my 18month-old has taking to slapping me in the face with a determined "UH" as he hits). I have the dog's leash around my wrist and quinn's wrist in my hand and I'm dragging him along while he's SCREAMING now that he doesn't want to leave. I'm getting tangled in Otto's leash. Reed starts to pitch backwards and he headbutt's Quinn in the mouth so now Quinn has a bloody lip. I find a place where i can hook Otto's leash, plop Reed on the ground to throw his fit in the dirt while i put the bloodied Quinn in the car seat.

I get them all home and start dinner and it goes on and on until Dane lays down with Quinn and gets him to go to sleep at 6:15. I put Reed down at 6pm, just because I couldn't take it any longer and let him cry it out til he passed out at 6:45pm. Quinn then woke at 7pm and started right where he left off. I forced some medicine down his throat the way you do to a dog, and then he FINALLY ate the food that i had put out for him (a bowl of cereal after he didn't eat his dinner).

So I hope it's just a phase and that he outgrows it. And that the younger one, Reed, doesn't go through it too. But I'm sure he will and just like most things it'll be easier because we'll know it ends and we'll have been through it.

So that's why I haven't been writing. I've been cooped up with a little monster in a small apartment that's making us all miserable. But we'll be out soon. One more week. And then we'll see.