Albuminous Scum

The kids are sleeping after they took turns tantruming all morning. Quinn was at the worst of it. He had gotten to bed late and Reed woke him up early (the problem with the boys sharing a room), so that explains it, but doesn't make it any better.

It's a gorgeous spring day today, but I've only been outside in it for maybe 15 minutes. I can't even really explain it, but just the act of taking care of the kids swallows up time like crazy. Between feeding them, cleaning up after them, getting us all dressed, dealing with tantrums, playing, feeding them again, and then cleaning up again - the morning's gone and it's time for nap, and then I'm stuck here indoors.

The biggest factor this morning is that they didn't want out- they wanted to be in. It is perfect autumn weather outside - as bright and sunny as an August day, but cool and crisp and quiet. What I pictured being a stay-at-home mom life to be was to go to the park on a day like this, maybe going in the double-stroller or with them in the bike trailer. And as idyllic as I pictured that, it just takes a lot of coordination and effort to do it. You have to get all the equipment out, make sure everyone is fed and changed before you go (and that you have snacks and diapers for while you're there). And I still haven't mastered watching them both at the park at the same time - each going in separate directions.

Last time I was at the park, and I just came from bashing my shins on the balance beam because i was looking up, following Reed as he ran across the high bridge and trying to get over to Quinn who was climbing up the big slide, and I went SPLAT onto the cedar chips. I saw a mom who had one kid, and he was almost 4, playing in sandbox contentedly and the mom sat there in her beack chair reading. I told her that that is what I pictured going to the park to be like - the kids playing quietly while you sat nearby reading or chatting with friends. For right now, I'm more a matter of trying to keep them (or yourself) from getting seriously injured. Maybe in a couple more years, it'll be easier. I did feel like I accomplished something that day though - before leaving had them both in the swings, coordinated, so i could push one and then the other in perfect rhythm. It was just for a little while, but it was zen-like swinging. And then we went home on the bike and trailer, happy.

This morning, Quinn didn't even want to go to the park, he wanted to stay inside all morning. Wanted to. Finally, Reed made a break for it and went out back on his own and once I told Quinn Reed was playing out back, he finally decided to go. Quinn, of course, refuses to wear clothes when we go outside. I've had to make a rule that if we go out front, he has to wear pants and shoes. Pants because our 6 year old neighbor boy doesn't like it when Quinn's running around naked - it's creepy, he said, and shoes because of the "evil things" - maple tree seed pods have hundreds of tiny transparent stickers that once you get stuck with, take forever to get out. So when Quinn wants to go out, but doesn't want to put his shoes on, he complains, "but, the evil things will get me!" At least the weather getting cooler is making it easier to get clothes on him when he goes outside (I let him go out in just his pants and shoes, but bring the sweatshirt for moments later when he realizes he's cold).

While they sleep, I'm making chicken stock from the carcass of the chicken I cooked last week. I'm not really sure what "albuminous scum" is that I'm supposed to scoop off, and whatever it is, the chicken isn't giving it up. I just figured out the fat is the oil slicks on the top - somehow I thought it was going to come up in while blobs. It's OK, as long as they're asleep, I'll wait for the scum to come.

I think the hardest part of the days home with the kids is just the boredom of it. My first thought this morning was that we'd go to the Children's Museum or OMSI or something fun, just because hanging out at home is getting old. The tantrums killed that idea. I called a friend from the baby group to see if she wanted to come over with her two kids, but didn't hear back (must make those plans ahead of time because I know I'm going to want to hang out with others during the day!). So, instead the morning was feeding and cleaning and looking out the window at the beautiful weather. It's really what they say it is - constantly picking up though the house gets no cleaner and endless laundry. Who wouldn't go nuts doing that all day when you have a brain in your head?

It made me start to think that a full-time job might not be so bad, after all. I had been ruminating over the idea of doing freelance and being able to be part-time and still have the kids a couple days a week. I do cherish that I have this time with them, and that we get to be playmates during the day, but I wonder how long I can do it without just getting too bored?

I went to the bookstore with a friend yesterday and picked up "What Color is Your Parachute?" Despite taking numerous other tests, I'm still hoping that one of them will come up with, "OH, Cathy, THIS is exactly the job that will make you the most fulfilled and it is ..." and give me exactly the one job that would give my life all meaning. Sure, I know it doesn't work like that, but I can still wish for it.

Besides, how many people do you know who genuinely totally love their jobs and their jobs are a perfect fit? I know a handful. The majority of people that I know are OK with their jobs most of the time, but it's not like it was their great calling. The thing with being out of a job, is you go back to ground zero and want it all. Not that it's a bad thing, it's a good place to start - wanting a job that you're passionate about, with people that you love, that makes tons of money and is a good work/life balance. It's just at some point reality will kick in, and it will look like no more unemployment money coming in, and then it's taking whatever you can get, which is still slim pickings at this point.

My friend who went with me to the bookstore, who is unemployed too and thus going to bookstores at 2pm on a Monday, was talking about doing a group where we all do the "parachute" exercises together. That sounds much more fun than doing them on my own.

OK, now i go "network". I am supposed to freelance tomorrow - the person I freelanced for last month wants me to teach her the computer. And I contacted a freelancer I used to hire a lot to get some inside tips on what the freelancing world is like and how you do it successfully.

And when they wake up, like it or not, they are going outside and we'll take a bike ride.